Bad dreams

I guess it isn’t enough that I’m STILL waking up in the middle of the night, thinking I fell asleep with Liam in the bed and I can’t find him amongst all the pillows. Apparently I’m now going to have horrible dreams, which include me being a flighty mom and forgetting to do things that put my child in danger. I don’t think I even had these kind of weird dreams when I was pregnant! In fact, I had very few dreams about the baby with the exception of him coming out as a half-cat or half-puppy.

Anyway, here’s the dream. This DID not happen!!! Thank, God.  I would never, ever let any of this happen to my baby!  And once you start reading it, you are going to think it’s REALLY bad, but thankfully, everything is okay in the end.  

I was taking Liam with me to run some errands in downtown Martinsburg. When I got out to go into some weird building to stand in line for something I cannot remember, I was by myself. I kept thinking… Liam’s ok. What I didn’t realize was that Liam was STILL OUTSIDE sitting in the car! When I finally realized this, I ran out thinking that I could not believe I had left him in the car. It was a hot summer day and for some reason I had him dressed him in a winter appropriate outfit? I had a hard time finding the car because I forgot which parking lot I had parked in. When I finally found it, Liam was sitting in the car seat, crying. I could tell I hadn’t been gone long. His face felt pretty hot. I decided to take him into a restaurant to sit with him in the air conditioning and cool him off. I felt HORRIBLE. When we were in the restaurant though, the waitress kept bugging me to buy something, so we left.

We hadn’t been in there long, so I decided to drive him around and cool him down with the car air conditioning.  I put him in the car and after I I had driven a couple circles around the parking lot, I realized I had NOT PUT Liam in his car seat! What the hell?! So, I pulled over and a few girls were standing in the parking lot- they had shocked looks on their faces, looked at me and then ran over to something. I rushed out of the car and realized the back passenger door had come open and Liam had fallen out of the car onto the black top parking lot! I started to cry, ran over to him, and grabbed him. Everyone was watching me. Liam was crying only a little, but I could tell he was in pain. I looked and he had bruises all up and down one side of his body. I knew he needed to go to the hospital.  As I was leaving, I held him and kept saying “I don’t know why this happened, I’d rather it be me, hurt me!” And then I thought “Omg I’m going to lose my job, social workers can’t have this happen to them.”  I felt like such a horrible mom and just wanted to erase everything that happened. I was just screaming and crying and holding Liam…

Right then, thank God, Brandon came in and woke me up by putting Liam right beside me on the bed. I am telling you what, I could have just kissed that little boy forever, having him right there, knowing he was ok and that my stupidity didn’t really put him in danger. What a relief! I just wanted to cry. I told Brandon about the dream and he told me to relax, that Liam is perfectly fine and that surely did not happen. OMG.  This dream was an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!     

Not that I would EVER be so careless, but I hear so many stories about parents and the things they put their children through, that frighten me and I’ve been hearing a lot of those stories lately.  Must have been why I had the dream.  I mean, I watch that kid like a hawk.    

Oh please, I hope I don’t have any more scary dreams like that.