Our Time as One

Liam, You have been here for a month and it has been filled with some rough times and wonderful times. Its almost unbelievable that I am a mother, a mama to you.

When I was pregnant with you, those 9 months were some of the best months. In the begininng it was rough and I was a little sick. I still didn’t fully believe you were in there. I was in denial at the beginning of the pregnancy, mainly because I didn’t want to get my hopes up if something happened to you. As you grew, it became more real and I highly anticipated your arrival.

I know I will always cherish the feeling of you in my belly, your little kicks, and movement.  I still don’t know how you fit in there.  You’re so tiny, but huge at the same time.  You are my first baby and I will never experience pregnancy quite the same, with such curiosity, amazement, and anticipation of what new thing would happen next.  A first pregnancy is an experience of something so new and unbelievable at the same time.  

I loved setting up the nursery and imagining you in it.  Now I see you there and it is so unreal that at one point you were only a dream, your face was only a thought in my mind.  I remember wondering what you would look like, if you would have hair, what you would weigh, and how long you would be. So much anticipation and longing for the day when I would know it all.

Pregnancy is a whirlwind of emotion.  The feelings I got when I first heard your heartbeat or when I first saw you on the ultrasound.  It is something that I am not quite able to describe, a strong loving feeling for a little person that I didn’t even know quite yet.   

At first pregnancy is somewhat of a secret between a mother and a baby.  A strong bond between the two.  Complete as one, only the mother can truly know the feeling of what is going on between her and her baby.  The first time I felt a flutter or the first time I felt a hard kick, it is an amazement and an experience between the both of us, that I will never forget.  I always had my baby with me wherever I went and selfishly, I didn’t have to share you with the world just yet.  

Now, I am feeling a different kind of anticipation and happiness with you here. You are everything to me and I want to protect you and give you the best life.  

You are perfect, Liam.  You really are a miracle to us. You have fulfilled all my expectations so far and I am sure you will continue to do so.

I love you so much.

Love, 

Mama