The waiting game...

about 39 weeks

Sooo… my due date is Saturday.  That is 3 days away.  STILL NOTHING!  I have an appointment tomorrow.  Last week I was still 1 1/2 cm dilated, but progressed to 75% effaced.  I was disappointed that I did not dilate more.  I am nervous to go tomorrow and hear that there has been no change again!  I have been walking and bouncing on the exercise ball. I haven’t passed my due date yet, but I figure it can’t hurt!  I don’t mind being late if I don’t have to be induced and if I do have to be induced then I don’t want to wait too long.  I want the baby out before July!!!  I have been feeling things like cramping, but I’m not sure what it is.  Nothing is consistent or really painful.  I am pretty uncomfortable at this point.  When I get up after sitting down or sleeping, it is hard to get up.  Sometimes at night my side and belly hurt a little too from laying down for so long.  I wake up about 3 times to go to the bathroom!  I am just waiting for that strong cramping that everyone talks about that signals it all has begun.  I just hope that it all happens naturally!  I hope I can do this.  I think I can, I think I can.  

I was done with work for the summer on Monday.  So, I am thankful I have made it this far so that I’ve had time to relax and spend with Brandon.  I cleaned the apartment again today!  I have been keeping it constantly clean!  I baked banana bread yesterday and cooked dinner.  I made enchiladas tonight.   I haven’t cooked in a long time so that felt good.  I actually have the time!  I am trying to sleep and rest as much as possible, that’s for sure!  

I listened to a podcast yesterday where the one lady was talking about how once her baby is born she will have a hard time because she will miss her belly and miss feeling her boy move inside her.  I definitely agree.  I know that I will have him here with me, but I will miss feeling him move and knowing that my body is keeping him safe.  I will miss those big buldges in my belly and the way he pushes my stomach out far when he is stretching and moving.  My first little baby and our time with just me and him is almost up.  Like the lady from the podcast said- I have to share him with the world now.  He will be exposed to all the good and the bad.  I am scared for him.  I will miss having him with me everywhere I go.  

I think back and I remember when we first found out I was pregnant.  It seems like so long ago.  I can’t even believe that this baby has grown inside me!  I am ready to meet him, but scared.  Scared of everything.  Everything and anything that has to go with raising a child.  I don’t want to mess up.  

Also, last night in my dream the baby was half baby/half kitten.  I even breastfed him.  It was creepy and I was upset because I don’t even like kittens as much as puppies so I would have rather had the half baby/half puppy instead.  This dream scares me in many ways!!!!  I wonder what he is going to look like??????

I’m anxious.