I really enjoyed the time away and I really appreciate my husband alot. I am looking forward to what is to come, but also nervous. I don’t want our relationship to dwindle or for us to only focus on the baby and not ourselves. I don’t want to lose the love we have and I hope this baby only makes our love stronger. I can’t wait to see Brandon be a father… and for him to hold his baby boy. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he first sees his child. He is the best husband I could have ever asked for. He does everything and anything for me and I know he will do the same for this child. It’s amazing. I am so spoiled and sometimes I feel like I don’t make him as happy as he makes me. I realized this trip even more how much he loves me and how much he just wants to make me happy. I really, really love him. I am so very lucky and I hope that I always remember that and that I do not ever forget how happy this man makes me!
Anyway, so this was probably our last trip away together before Liam comes. It’s scary but exciting at the same time. Time is going by faster than ever. I feel like I have so much to get done. We still haven’t heard anything about getting the house yet. It looks like we will be stuck here… which is fine, but I want to start putting things together if that is the case.
My shower is on May 7th-it’s so soon! I am very excited for all the new items and things for the baby. It’s going to be so great, I know it. My mother in law has already gotten us the crib and is working on the changing table. I am looking forward to seeing it all. I can’t wait to put everything together. We have so many clothes… my coworker has given me like 4 bags/boxes and we have bought a good bit of outfits also. I have another friend who has 3 bags of clothes for us too. This saves alot of money and we will have so many options. I have already gone through them and sorted them into the different sizes. I have picked out the outfit I want little Liam to come home in and I have started to pack our hospital bags. I got the diaper bag, which I love. I got the ergo baby carrier, which I’ve read great things about and I am so excited to use it. All this fun stuff, but no baby yet...
I do have to say though that I am nervous for labor and I am nervous for other things also. I am scared I will not be able to do this without some kind of pain relief. I do not want the epidural. I am more scared of that than labor actually, but I just hope I can handle the pain. I have been reading a book about the Bradley Method, which is really good. I have been trying to practice my breathing during any painful moment I have. I am trying to relax. I just want to be able to do this naturally, but I know that I will need to leave my options open. If I have a terribly long labor that lasts forever, then I may need to do something. But many people have done this before, without pain relief, like my Mom. So, I am going to try and do it.
I am also scared about the worry I will have over the baby when he is born. I worry alot and I worry about him growing up. And for some reason I worry that he will not love me always or need me. I don’t know why, I love my parents very much and will always need them. So, I don’t know where I’m getting this from. I guess I’m just scared about being a parent. I have dreams that I have Liam and he is not a newborn (he is born like a 6-9 month old baby). In the dream I am always saying “but he isn’t a newborn!” I have a feeling this is my subconscious telling me that I am afraid of him growing up. I know that I am.
I still cannot believe we will be parents soon. It feels so unreal. I can’t really picture it. I know that this means I need to completely grow up and I’m scared. I hope we do things right as parents.
I am scared, but I am excited. It is so soon. If I go early, I could only have like 6 weeks left! CRAZY! I need to get things done… need to start washing all the clothes soon and buying everything else we need. I am sooo anxious!
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| 30 weeks |
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| 30 weeks |
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