Moving On

Liam,

When you were 8 months old life was crazy.  We were rushing around trying to paint your new home and pack up your old one.  Luckily, we had lots of help or we probably would have never moved.

I want to tell you I am so excited for our new home.  Since before you were born I wanted to give you a big, beautiful house to live and grow up in.  I wanted to paint your bedroom walls and give you an entire closet for yourself.  This did not happen and I was disappointed.  I felt like I was failing you as a mother because I was not able to paint the apartment walls and didn't have a matching dresser for your room.  I felt like we did not have enough space for you to live comfortably.  Eventually I realized that we would not be moving and I organized your things and situated your nursery.  Your Grandma and I worked so hard on that darn tree decal, which was such a pain to put on the wall.  But, at some point I realized things would all fall into place.  Your nursery ended up being beautiful, a perfect place for you.  Though, still stressed and anxious I was disappointed that we were not able to move into a bigger place.

When you arrived none of this mattered.  Those things we didn't have and couldn't do, didn't matter.  All we needed was you.  The small apartment suited us well.  We could see you and hear you from almost every room.  We didn't have to walk up and down stairs.  You never felt far away.  You slept next to us in the bassinet, then transitioned to your crib, and have now ended up in the bed with us.  Really, most of your time has been spent outside of your room that I fussed over for so long.

Now that we are leaving this place, I find myself a little sentimental.  I am sad to leave the place where we first found out you were real.  The place where I labored with you in my belly.  The place where we first brought you home.  The place we worked so hard to make suitable and ended up being perfect for a tiny baby.  The place you will call your first home.  I have realized I will miss this place.

Though I will miss it, I know I am ready to move on.  I feel proud that we have bought our first house as a family and will have painted and decorated ourselves.  I cannot wait for you to be able to play in the backyard, big enough for you to run.  The driveway is big enough for a small basketball court.  Your room is now painted.  It is almost time for you to come home to your new home.  I hope you like it.  I hope as you get older you will appreciate living in a house that your parents have put their hearts into, just like I have been of my parent's home.

Sometimes I drive by an old house and feel sad that there is no one living there anymore.  The house is falling apart or has boarded up windows.  I wonder who lived there.  Was it a family?  Was the house passed on from generation to generation?  Did they miss it when they left?  I wonder if anyone will ever look at our house that way.  If they do, I wish there was I way that I could tell them that we were there.  We will live and give love in that house for as long as we possibly can.

I cannot wait to start this new journey with you and your Dad.

Love you always and forever,

Mommy <3