Bye, Bye, BF

It's been about a month since the last time I nursed my baby.

I've got nothing.

Literally, nothing there.  

It didn't hurt, I didn't leak, it all just went away peacefully.

I tried not to think about it so much during that time.  I was so busy with the move and unpacking that it really was difficult to sit down and nurse Liam for a significant amount of time.  My supply was slowly dwindling.  I wasn't pumping at work anymore and "they" were barely hanging on.  We were lucky if we got in 1-2 nursing sessions a day at that point.  And then, the inevitable happened.  He bit me.  He bit me with those two little puppy dog teeth.  I have to say I decided I was done right then and there.  He didn't mean to, obviously, but I bled and it hurt.  Thank God, for my self control.  

If everything had been going smoothly and I still had a wonderful supply of milk, I would have continued trying to nurse Liam for as long as I could.  My initial goal was to make it to about a year.  We fell short of that by four months.  There were times, especially in the beginning when I wanted to give up.  It seemed easier.  But, I'm so thankful I stuck with it.  I was able to form a wonderful bond with my baby, give him the best nutrition he could get, and I was able to watch seven seasons of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix.  Nothing better than all that, people!

I miss it lots.  Some days I crave the relaxation and calmness of sitting down and spending that time with Liam.  These were the few times during the day that I could actually relax.  I miss providing his nutrition and being the only one that could do so.  I would walk in the door and Liam would get antsy because he wanted to nurse.  I felt worthy and important.  Liam still needs his Mama, but not in the same way and that makes me sad.  

Formula is so expensive and I can't imagine having to have paid for that stuff weekly for the first eight months of Liam's life.  At first, we started with Enfamil but then switched to the Target brand after awhile when we found out that it has the exact same ingredients as Enfamil and is so much cheaper!  Liam didn't even notice a difference.  I did notice and I don't know if it is a coincidence or what, but Liam started to get sick more often once we began transitioning to formula.  

 I know it's not much, but I am proud to say that we made it 4 months without any formula, with the exception of the small amount he had in the hospital.  We first started supplementing with formula about a month after I returned to work from maternity leave with about a bottle of formula a day.  Gradually it increased to formula for Liam's feedings while I was at work and I would nurse him while I was home.  But not pumping and trying to lose weight didn't help to keep my supply strong.  

Time has passed by us so fast it is hard to remember what it felt like to nurse a newborn around the clock.  When I look back on the negative parts of nursing I find myself thinking that things weren't really as bad as they seemed at the time.  I guess it was just the hormones and lack of sleep that made me so frustrated at times.  I don't regret any of it.  

To all of the new moms or moms to be out there- I wish you the best with your breastfeeding experience.  It is truly an amazing thing.  Stick with it for as long as you can.  

For all of the moms who have been breastfeeding your babies for some time now- Kudos to you!  I admire you all for your strength and commitment.  

Best wishes :)